it's 1 a.m

i'm up and considering all the things that need to be done. some things have been completed. some are in progress. some only exist (as of yet) in my mind.

i'm in this funky retrospective mood. i keep thinking of how i could have ended up here, or anywhere but here - depending on which direction i look at it from. not that it really matters. i am here. what matters now is how i choose to proceed. i hope that's why i've been looking back. to see what missteps were taken in hopes to avoid similar things in the future. that may not be what i am doing though.

i'm thinking to much. i'm really in my own head and can't step out just yet. i don't know how far out i'd want to go though. maybe that's the problem. maybe i'm the problem. or am i just my own scape goat.

to many strange thoughts and inappropriate memories on this oddly chill autumn night.

sleep.